Male Survivors of Domestic Abuse Need More Emotional Support and Shelters

Domestic abuse is a very serious issue that affects people world wide, including here in Newfoundland and Labrador.

This is a topic people don’t like to talk about because it’s a very sensitive and uncomfortable topic.While this is a very and sensitive and uncomfortable topic, it needs to be talked about more.

Let’s start this article by saying there is more to domestic abuse than physical violence. Domestic abuse can also be emotional, sexual, financial, etc. For this article, I will discuss the reasons why domestic abuse happens, I give some statistics, and I will discuss the effects of domestic abuse for both men and women. I will finally discuss society’s general attitude towards male survivors of domestic abuse and how is affects them. First I will talk about the reasons for domestic abuse.

There are many reasons why people abuse their significant other. One of the most common “justifications” as why a person would abuse their significant other is because “they were provoked.” Another reason why a person may abuse their significant other is because they have no control over their own lives, their own emotional, nor their own thoughts. So they must try to have some form of control over somebody else. But of course, there is no justification for domestic abuse. Next, I would like to give some statics on domestic abuse.

According to the Newfoundland Herald over 600 incidents of domestic and sexual violence per year gets reported. However, “these numbers do not reflect violence accurately, as 90% of sexual violence and 70% of domestic violence goes unreported.” According to Canadianwomen.org 49% of men and 51% of women are are just as likely to become victims of domestic abuse. As you can see, the number of men and women who are abused when it comes to domestic abuse is a lot closer than most people think. Now that I’ve given you some statics, I would like to talk about the effects on domestic abuse next.

Some of the physical effects of domestic abuse may include black eyes, broken bones, stab wounds, chipped teeth, burns and many more. Some of the psychiatric effects may include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and being suicidal. Men who are victims of domestic abuse suffer the same effects. Finally, I’m going to discuss society’s attitude towards male domestic abuse victims.

When a man is beaten by a woman, he’s either viewed as a “wussy” or “he must have done something to deserve it. ” That’s why some men are afraid of calling the police. There are some people who asks “why didn’t you hit her back instead of being a wussy?” That’s because men are not suppose to hit women under any circumstances. So basically if the man physically defends himself against his wife or girlfriend, he’s a criminal. However, if a woman physically defends herself against her boyfriend or husband, she’s just defending herself. Therefore, she’s doing nothing wrong.

The cold hard truth is that when a man and a woman commits the exact same crime, the woman usually gets a lighter sentence. So if a man and woman are hitting each other, the woman will most likely get a lighter sentence. Even if a woman is beaten her boyfriend or husband nonstop, and the man defends himself by pushing her away, he’ll still probably get into more trouble than his girlfriend or wife. To make matters worse, there are very few shelters male survivors of domestic abuse can go to. And the chances of male domestic abuse survivors getting any emotional support from friends and family are very slim. That’s because men are expected to “man up”. Since men are apparently physically stronger then women (even though there are an overwhelming amount of exceptions), and that men are not suppose to get emotional, male survivors of domestic abuse are expected to just take a beating like a man, walk away, and then move on as if nothing happened.

It doesn’t matter what your gender, sexual orientation, or age is, domestic abuse is devastating. However, when you take into consideration what I’ve just mentioned,wouldn’t this add more stress for male survivors? In my opinion, male survivors of domestic abuse need more emotional support than what they get. They also need more shelters as well.

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Men Have Got to Be Better

A YouBoober by the name of Angry Aussie made this video six months ago.

I’m just going to comment on some of the things that he has said in this video.

if you think the problems and injustices faced by men are worse than those suffered by women (or even equivalent) then simply put, you ARE the problem.

So if I think that men being beaten, sexually assaulted, and raped by women is just as bad as women being beaten, sexually assaulted, and raped by men, then I’m the problem? If that’s the case, then it’s no wonder why male victims are never taken seriously. Then again, I’m taking things out of context as always.

there’s very little a woman can do to stop violence happening because it can happen at any time in any circumstance.

That’s true, it can happen any time and any circumstances, which is unfortunate. And there’s only so much women can do to stop the violence. But I think women can do a lot more to defend themselves than Angry Aussie is giving them credit for.

Their own home is the most dangerous environment. They are in the most danger from men they know.

Well my aunt grew up with six brothers and her brothers. Her mother died when my dad was seven. Man, my aunt must have been terrified to be at home. Okay she wasn’t, but I bet a lot of women are terrified to be living at home with all men. Okay, maybe they’re not, but they should be…or not.

If you feel compelled to shut down women talking about the everyday reality they deal with because “not all men” do it, you are actively supporting the rapists.

What???

I’ve seen some guys take exception to the term “Schrodinger’s Rapist”. This surprises me because I think it’s an excellent definition of why women have to be cautious of men who are NOT rapists. Like Schrodinger’s Cat who is both alive and dead until the box is open, women are confronted with so many situations where she should be safe but can be attacked without warning. She only knows for sure if a man is a rapist when she makes herself vulnerable and so up until that point, the man both is and is not a rapist. The worst thing is, in far too many cases, “vulnerable” means nothing more than existing as a woman.

I’m a man, and I’m not a rapist. And yet, until a woman get to know me, I’m a rapist and I’m not a rapist at the same time. Well, how can women get to know me, if they’re to afraid to get to know me out of fear of what I may or may not do?

I’m not totally discrediting the Angry Aussie’ video. Some women do fear men because of all the horrible things that we’ve done. And there’s very little women can do to determine which men are dangerous and which are not. So it’s rational to assume that all men are the same. So I think it’s our job to make women feel safe. That’s why I avoid women as much as I can. For example, if I’m walking down the street, and there’s a woman walking in front of me, I’ll go into the opposite direction. Granted, situations like has caused me to be late for work, and hence I’ve been fired as a result, but it’s worth making a woman I don’t know feel safe. I only approach women under the following conditions.

They’re family members.
They work customer service.
They’re co-workers, but only on professional level.
They approach me first.

 

DISCLAIMER: This article is somewhat satire.

#notallmen Misogyny and Misandry

I’m so sick and tired of people bashing the not all men hashtag on Twitter, and here’s why.

There are far too many men out there who thinks it’s okay to grope a woman whenever she walks into a club. There are also far too many out there who beat their wives or girlfriends. The list goes on and on. These men make all men look bad.

People say, “we know that not all men are like this!” However, based on what I’ve seen, it seems like society do indeed paint all men with the same brush on a subconscious level. But that’s just my opinion.

This is why I think that the not all men hashtag on Twitter is just as important as the yes all women hashtag.

One reason why people don’t like the not all men hashtag on Twitter is because “it’s not about you”. Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but misogyny does affect both men and women. So does misandry. Misogyny and misandry are both forms of hate that everybody suffers from.

Plus-Sized Teenager Kicked Off Istagram Fights Back

enhanced-buzz-18006-1405525318-24Samm Newman  posted the picture that you see on the side of this blog post on Instagram. This was the second time Samm posted a somewhat revealing picture of her self on that site. She posted the second picture on Instagram because she wanted to join other plus-sized women using the hashtags #pizzasisters4lyfe and #bodylove to share messages of body positivity and create a space of inclusion on the social network. However, Samm’s picture was removed from Instagram due to a violation of Instagram’s community guidelines.

“Don’t share photos or videos that show nudity or mature content. If you wouldn’t show the photo or video you are thinking about uploading to a child, or your boss, or your parents, you probably shouldn’t share it on Instagram. The same rule applies to your profile photo. Accounts found sharing nudity or mature content will be disabled and your access to Instagram may be discontinued.”

Samm Newman looked through several pictures on Instagram to see how her picture was so inappropriate that it had to be removed. She thousands of pictures of thin, conventionally attractive women, in the same amount of clothing that Newman wore.

Samm enlisted the help of a friend to report these pictures since they violated Instagram’s community guidelines. However, these pictures were never removed. Instead, it was Samm’s account that was deactivated!

“I was crying, I was so devastated,” Newman said. “I contacted Instagram relentlessly for help, and I basically felt like message I got was to shut up and go away, so that’s when I decided to go to the media.” (Source:Thinkprogress.org)

Newman was crush. Instagram was once a place where she could embrace her body and bond with other plus-sized women. But not anymore.  “All my life, I was told to suck it in, and I would see these commercials on TV every day of these Victoria Secret models who weighed just nothing,” Newman said.

Newman contacted a local NBC4 reporter to talk about what happened. She called out Instagram’s double standard and accused them of size discrimination.

In the wake of the negative press, Instagram released the following statement.

“We are truly sorry for our mistake here. When reviewing reported content from the Instagram community, we don’t always get it right. As soon as we were made aware, we restored the content.”

Source of news and image: http://thinkprogress.org/culture/2014/07/17/3460951/plus-sized-teen-fights-back-against-instagram

 

The Bigger Picture (No Pun Intended)

This story is a reminder of how shallow society is. Society demands us to be thin, to wear fancy clothes, and for men to be clean shaven. Society tries to shame and exclude those who do not fit their standard of beauty.

Why Is Society So Shallow?

This is a loaded question and I really don’t know why. But in my opinion, it could be a number of factors. One factor is that the media has brainwashed us with unrealistic expectations of beauty. The media has brainwashed women to look a certain way, and the media has convinced men that “this is what you want.” Of course, have also been brainwashed to look a certain way as well.

I also blame the parents of our generation as well. There are many parents out there who are deeply insecure themselves, so they project their insecurities onto their children. When you combine the media brainwashing society with unrealistic standards and parents projecting their insecurities onto their children, it’s no wonder why girls (and some guys as well) starve themselves to look thin. Also, it’s no wonder why where we live in a society where appearance is everything.

Women Hitting Men.

Men are taught to never hit a woman. I wholeheartedly agree with this. But what if a woman hits a man? Obviously if a woman hits a man, it’s still assault and she can get arrested for it. But for some reason, a woman hitting a man is socially acceptable. This is a double standard that people either ignore or justify. If you don’t believe me, then watch this video.

I’m unable to embed the video, so click here to watch it. In this video, you see a scenario where a man is attacking his girlfriend. Several people stands up for her and threatens to call the police. In another scenario, the same woman was beating up her boyfriend, and nobody stood up for him.

A Solution To Verbal Bullying

Bullying is a huge social issue. It comes in many forms such as physical, verbal, online, sexual,etc. I’m going to offer a possible solution to verbal bullying. Click here to read more.

Parents Hitting Their Children

Yesterday, my 10-year-old son was misbehaving. He was throwing a hissy fit because his 5-year-old was playing in his room and she accidentally broke one of his games.


“Act your fucking age!” I screamed at my son and shook my fist at him. “I wish I never had you. If you get on with your bullshit again, I’ll get rid of you.” I then slapped my son in the face.


Now here’s a question for you. How did this little scenario make you feel? Did you make you angry? We’re you appalled? I hope you were, because there are parents still has this backwoods mentality.


On debate.org, 50% of people believe that parents should hit their children when they misbehave, while the other 50% thinks that they shouldn’t.


“Hit em and hit em goood i always say. Stop crying or i will give you something to cry about. WHACK. That is the way you have good kids. Good kids come from a good backhand. I do agree with smacking kids and i am a doctor. I love america.”


“Parents should never their kids period! It’s just bad parenting. Also hitting a kid could lead to behavioral and psychological problems. If a kid misbehaves give them a time out or grounding but not physically harming them.”


(Source: http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-parents-hit-their-children-for-their-misbehavior)


Most experts will tell you to never hit your children.


“Spanking demonstrates that it’s all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring.”


(Source: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons-not-hit-your-child)


“Psychologist Sandra A. Graham-Bermann of the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, who chairs the task force, announced the recom­mendation in August at the APA’s annual meeting. In a presentation, she explained that the group of 15 experts in child development and psychology found correlations between physical punishment and an increase in childhood anxiety and depression, an increase in behavioral problems, including aggression, and impaired cognitive development—even when the child’s prepunishment behavior and development were taken into consideration.”


(Source: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/to-spank-or-not-to-spank/)